Well that’s what I would do too.  It’s the only logical thing to do.  Why plead guilty to a DUI when you can just plead you are your own country to a DUI, and look like even more of an asshole.  Well Scott Allan Witmer, I have news for you:  You are not your own country.  You were arrested in THESE United States, and yes, there are only 50 of them, and yes, you’re dumb.  Now everyone is going to think this poor guy is crazy.  It’s bad enough being labeled by your peers and others watching the news as “that guy that got a DUI,” but now the adjective “crazy” is going to be attached to that same label.  Ever here the saying “Keep It Simple Stupid?”  It was specifically scripted for guys like this.

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